Friends, Freedom aficionados, air breathers, country livers, hear me! Our awesomely inspiring Western way of living is under attack! This is no Red nuclear threat. This is no China ringing the doorbell to come collect your national debt . This is no pedophile offering your kids candy (even though they’re EVERYWHEEEERE!!!!)
No! These are foreign threats who possess evil powers, unheard of by even Satan!
QUICKLY!!! VISUAL IDENTIFICATION!!!
Don’t be fooled by his seemingly low-tech apparel and smelly mode of transport. This MONSTER who intends to kill you and your favorite celebrity/food/drink/way of life/pornstar is capable of :
* making the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) stand down on 9/11! That’s right, folks, these callous monsters made the brave folks at NORAD, who have held the North American continent close to their patriotic hearts with surface to air missiles, air to air missiles, spy satellites, solid communications, and a perfect record of controlling wayward airliners, all confused and unable to intercept – and possibly shoot down – 4 planes on 9/11. BASTARDS!!!
* making two 110 story skyscrapers and one 47 story building collapse into their own footprints, blatantly exposing their witchcraft, as the evildoers they are. TERRORISTS!!!
* being highly aware of American and British military schedules regarding exercises on 9/11/01 and 7/7/05, and tailoring their attack in such a way to look EXACTLY like the exercises. Confusion abound. TERRORISTS!!!
NOW FOR SOME… PATRIOTIC CHRISTIAN SOLUTION[S]!!!
Seeing as how these EVIL TERRORISTS will stop at nothing to kill, torture, maim, destroy, enslave, mock, spit on, and gang fuck your family, and possess the ability to mingle amongst the general public, we have no other choices in the west than to give up some liberties for freedom! The terrorists WILL get you if you don’t ask your government to protect you.
So we will be:
PS – Spain has always been a police state, so I won’t bother with them.
*DON’T FORGET: THE GOVERNMENT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND*
*ISLAMIC TERRORISTS HATE YOU FOR EATING McDONALDS AND TALKING FREELY ABOUT STUFF*